Yesterday I went and did it. I bought new running shoes. I didn’t have the money and they were twice as expensive as I thought they were going to be but… I needed them. I am not working out for lack of new shoes and it is taking its toll on my emotional state. I … Continue reading New Running Shoes
I don’t have anything uplifting to say today. I wish I did. I have been trying to think of something... something that wouldn’t sound like despair. I haven’t been working out. I haven’t been writing anymore than the bare minimum. I have been taking care of my kids, that I can still do. They are … Continue reading In Between The Moments
I have been fighting off a cold. Which means I cannot workout. Which means I have been eating poorly. Which means I feel icky and uncomfortable. Which also means I feel like I am failing. Which all raises my anxiety. Yesterday I just let it happen. I didn’t really know what else to do. Fighting … Continue reading Letting Go
I am feeling even worse. I am not sure what to do. I am trying to just wait it out. Maybe snuggle up and watch some crappy TV? I don’t want to complain, I just don’t have any positive story to tell right now. The sadness is winning today.
Having this anxiety all the time, it means I am quite practiced at feeling afraid and moving through that feeling. Someone who is not easily scared doesn’t have the same experience as I do overcoming fear. So, doesn’t that mean I am better at it? I hope so. Yesterday, I spent most of the day … Continue reading Am I Better Yet?
Yesterday marked one year since my divorce was finalized. The split happened over three years ago, but all the legality was finished and things were made permanent one year ago yesterday. It was a nasty divorce, as I am sure most are. I won’t get into details, but going through it changed me. I was … Continue reading Happy Anniversary
I didn’t feel super great yesterday. I ran on the treadmill, I meditated, I worked… but still I felt off all day. Hopefully today will be a bit better. I plan on going swimming and seeing my counselor. Maybe it was all the pie I ate this weekend… maybe that has got me feeling so … Continue reading Feeling Down
About a month ago my trauma counselor told me that she is moving into private practice. And for the last few weeks I didn’t know if I would be able to continue to see her. Yesterday I found out that I will. It is still not clear how we will work it all out, (there … Continue reading Trauma Counseling And A Pool Closure
I went for a run yesterday. I was all alone at home on my treadmill listening to a good book on Audible. I felt wonderful. Today is a day to stay home, stay inside, read and maybe even nap. I am having a thin-skinned kind of day. Maybe it is that I am just not … Continue reading Running Alone
Something strange and unexpected happened yesterday. Swimming didn’t make me feel good. It didn’t make me feel any better at all. In the morning I dropped the boys off at their dad’s, then I went and got my oil changed, I went through a car wash, and then as reward I went to my favorite … Continue reading 9/1/19 Swimming with Depression