Another day here and gone. I don’t know if I accomplished anything. I sort of feel like I backslid a bit today.
I have an appointment to see a psychiatrist now. At the end of January. So that is good. It was a process to get in. I am grateful I am well enough to put in the work to get help. It would be all too easy to slip away and fall off the board.
I suppose that is one of the reasons I loved Joker so much. The health care system is messed up right now. It is hard to get help.
I have insurance, I knew what I needed, and it still has been two years since I first asked my primary care to refer me to psychiatrist. I was struggling with anxiety (gasp) and I knew I needed help. She told me there weren’t any psychiatrists available and she could prescribe something for me.
After a few attempts with different medications and being plunged into a depression so low I hadn’t felt that bad since I was a teenager, I decided it would be better if I stayed away from pharmaceuticals and continued fighting the anxiety on my own.
Since then it has been a slow fight. It took nearly a week in bed before I was willing to ask for help again.
This time around I didn’t take no for an answer. I had to jump through some hoops but I finally have my appointment scheduled.
Hopefully this story will end with me getting the help I need. But it was a long hard road to get there.
And I can’t help but think of all the people out there who can’t do all of that. All the people who aren’t getting the help they need.