I don’t have anything uplifting to say today. I wish I did. I have been trying to think of something… something that wouldn’t sound like despair. I haven’t been working out. I haven’t been writing anymore than the bare minimum. I have been taking care of my kids, that I can still do. They are good. They are happy. Spending time with them makes me happy.
But it’s the in-between moments; the pauses in a conversation, the breaths taken before entering a room, the quiet places when one thought stops and before another begins, it is in these moments that the sadness creeps in. It burrows down under my skin. It fills my lungs and squeezes my throat. It whispers in my ear. It wriggles in my gut. It sits on my eyelids. It turns my muscles to lead.
What do I do? I won’t pretend to know the answer to that. I will get up and hope today I feel different than I did the day before.