Letting Go

Blog Post Picture 10.19.19 Close-Up Photography of Side Mirror During Dawn

I have been fighting off a cold. Which means I cannot workout. Which means I have been eating poorly. Which means I feel icky and uncomfortable. Which also means I feel like I am failing. Which all raises my anxiety.

Yesterday I just let it happen. I didn’t really know what else to do. Fighting it was just making me feel worse. So I surrendered to the process and admitted my own limits. I actually put on my to do list “do not work out” so I could check it off. And now I am starting to feel better, physically and mentally.

I am also trying to accept the fact that I don’t always do the same kind of work every day. As much as I would like to schedule every single moment, I am coming to realize that my abilities ebb and flow. What I find easy to do one day I might find impossible the next day. And what I find unbearable today I might find completely manageable tomorrow. I can predict that to a certain extent, but there will always be the possibility that something will trigger something else and out of nowhere I will need to deal with a breakdown.

My emotional state is a touchy and fickle car that may or may not work each day. It may get me half way to where I want to go. Or it may get me there faster than I planned. Or it may take me somewhere I didn’t even intend to go to. But that’s the car I have and so I will learn to live with it (and maybe get a bus pass for emergencies).

I don’t know if that metaphor really worked, but I think you get the idea.

Anyway, I have no workout to report. I have a lot of anxiety. I feel like I am coming out of it though, like I am through the worst part.

Until next time…


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