About a month ago my trauma counselor told me that she is moving into private practice. And for the last few weeks I didn’t know if I would be able to continue to see her. Yesterday I found out that I will. It is still not clear how we will work it all out, (there are lots of things I don’t understand about contracts, insurance, ethical procedures, and walls made of red tape) but just knowing that something will work out is a HUGE relief. I have been seeing her for … two years now, maybe longer. And while I am much better off than I was when I started, the idea of not having her as a kind of safety net, well it was scary. I feel good most days, but I also struggle most days as well. I don’t want to backslide. And I feel like seeing her is my last line of defense against an ever-present threat of flashbacks, nightmares, and total agoraphobia. If all the other tools I have fail, I can be sure she will notice and help me back out of whatever hole I am in. Needless to say when I found out I could continue to see her I was more than a little relieved.
I went swimming after my counseling appointment. I only was able to swim for a half an hour before a “sanitary incident” happened and everyone had to get out of the pool. There was a small child in the family pool and he had an accident. The two pools share a filtration system so … everyone out! They said it would take thirty minutes or more to flush out the system so I just got dressed and went home.
I tried the “swimming” tracking method on my Fitbit again. I … I just don’t know. I suppose it will make more sense after I have used it a few times. But as of right now, I don’t have any idea what it means. Was I was doing well… or horrible…? I just don’t know.
It also tells me I completed 984 yards or 36 lengths…
Good? I have no clue.
