Treadmill Day and How Far I Have Come

I just looked at my Fitbit work out summary for yesterday. I was in peak for 32 minutes! What?!? It wasn’t even really hard. It was definitely easier than the day when I had bread for lunch. This is crazy!

Ok, here is what is up. I ran well. I am feeling good. My mood is great. I am less anxious and way more productive. Looking in the mirror doesn’t throw me into a pit of depression. It has been five nights in a row I have gone without night eating. My nightmares are fewer and I am sleeping better.

I need to remind myself that I didn’t see these results right away. I started working out regularly back in March. That is seven months ago! And really, now is the first time I truly feel like I can see my body changing and my mood improving. So…

If you are new, keep coming back.

Don’t leave before the miracle happens.

It works if you work it.

Yeah I know those are all AA terms but they work damn well in this instance too.

Seven months. That’s crazy. And I started with walking. I didn’t start jogging until April and then I would just jog intermittently during my walks. The first time I jogged the entire work out was May 13th. The first time I swam was May 10th and I could only last a half an hour.

There were so many times I felt totally crushed. I would work so hard and then look at my body and just feel hopeless. I had gained so much weight that even when I started losing I still didn’t feel any better. It felt like I was wearing someone else’s body, or like I had a fat suit on that I couldn’t take off. It was frustrating in a way I can’t even describe. I would cry myself to sleep some nights. I felt trapped. And the harder I worked and the less I felt any change the deeper my hopelessness became.

But I kept at it. I wasn’t going to give up. I kept trying different things. When those didn’t work I made myself keep doing them to it to see if it really didn’t work or if I was just being impatient. When I was sure what I was doing wasn’t working, then I tried something else. And today I looked in the mirror and I saw me again.

I did a few other things that helped my situation besides just diet and exercise. I culled my closet. I tried on everything and I only kept clothes that made me feel good about myself. I tossed everything else. I also bought clothes that fit properly. I highly suggest if you are a woman shopping in the women’s department, head over to the men’s clothes, (at least for pants.. and maybe jackets too). They have better quality clothing and it fits better too. I am a short girl with hips and I have never been able to find a pair of pants that fit my hips and don’t drag on the ground. That changed when I started shopping in the men’s clothes. I discovered that “slim fit” for men, well it means it fits my hips perfectly, and I don’t have six inches extra material at the bottom tripping me. The sizing is brilliant too. Numbers that correspond with measurements? Not random numbers that seem to have no relation to you or the size of the pants they are attached to?! What a concept.

Anyway, that is my ranting for the day.

Don’t quit, keep going, it will get better. It did for me.

And shop in the men’s section if you want to feel like a normal human being.

Fitbit 9.13.19


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