Yesterday I went grocery shopping…
I went into the store. I walked around the isles. I picked out what I needed. I waited in line. I paid at the register. And while doing all this I didn’t buy any donuts, cookies, cake, ice cream, brownies, beer, vodka, or… and I know this will sound weird… granola.
Funny thing, the last on that list was the hardest for me I think. Last year I found this absolutely phenomenal granola, truly amazing stuff, and when I buy it… I eat it… a lot… I mean I eat it a lot… So for my own piece of mind, no granola.
Lately I have been using the pick up service for my groceries. I order online and then I drive up and they bring my food to me in my car. I don’t have to walk the many isles of forbidden food and drink. It has helped. Normally after grocery shopping I am exhausted, but when I do the pick up thing I can still be productive afterwards.
So why did I go into an actual store yesterday? I am not sure. Maybe I wanted to see if I could do it? Maybe I felt like I should be able to do it? Maybe I wanted to feel like a normal person who had the ability to walk into a store and walk out just fine? Maybe I thought it wouldn’t be so hard because I haven’t been craving those forbidden things lately?
Whatever the reason, I did it. And I didn’t succumb to any temptation. Yay me! I guess I forgot about the other aspect of my personality, the part that is consumed with social phobia.
I left the store just fine. I was proud of myself for accomplishing this task. I drove home. And then… which brings me to the part that relates to my workout log… I sat on the couch and spent the rest of the day with my nose firmly planted in a book.
I didn’t workout. I had first planned on going swimming after I got all the food home (admittedly a bad plan to start with). Then, while I was in the store, I decided I would run on the treadmill instead. I fully intended on doing that when I got home. But it never happened.
Was this because I simply needed a day off? Or was it a symptom of my anxiety and triggered by me trying to do more than I needed to? I am not sure.
I have about a weeks worth of food to go through before I have to go grocery shopping again, so I have about a week to think about it and decide what I will do. Will I go into the store but clear my schedule first to prepare for a shutdown? Is that even reasonable? Or will I use the pick up service and go back to avoiding the entire situation? Is this something I need to face or am I just putting myself through unnecessary stress?
I don’t know.
At any rate, that is my workout summary:
I didn’t workout, I went to the grocery store instead.