Insomnia

I am tired

Long day ahead

Long day behind

Long night of restless sleep

Memories rise up

Like knives in my gut

Cold and dark

And

Familiar

The scratching is like a friend

The blood is family

This feeling I know

It is like nails under my skin

Bees in my eyes

Bugs under my fingernails

 

 

I spend the night in bed

Hours laying on a razors edge

Unable to fall

One way or the other

Unable to sleep

Unable to rise and admit defeat

I can’t tell how much time has passed

Hours

Minutes

Years

They all go by as I twitch and toss and turn

And I watch them

Never asleep

Never awake

 

My stomach is hollow and worn out

My legs hum

My back hardens

My skin comes off like a snake’s

But there is no new skin underneath

Only raw fresh meat

That the wind bites at

The sheets scrape against

Life touches

And comes away with bloody hands

 

My memories

Cracked open every night

Regret oozes out

Black and sticky

It pours out into my hair

Into my eyes

Into my nose and mouth

Into my ears

Until I can’t breathe

Or see

Or hear

Nothing but the thick oily liquid

I live my nightmares again

And again

And again

Night after night

When I sleep

If I sleep

 

Bugs under my fingernails

Bees in my eyes

It is like nails under my skin

This feeling I know

The blood is family

The scratching is like a friend

Familiar

And

Cold and dark

Like knives in my gut

Memories rise up

Long night of restless sleep

Long day behind

Long day ahead

I am tired

white-2565766_1920

 


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s