I am tired
Long day ahead
Long day behind
Long night of restless sleep
Memories rise up
Like knives in my gut
Cold and dark
And
Familiar
The scratching is like a friend
The blood is family
This feeling I know
It is like nails under my skin
Bees in my eyes
Bugs under my fingernails
I spend the night in bed
Hours laying on a razors edge
Unable to fall
One way or the other
Unable to sleep
Unable to rise and admit defeat
I can’t tell how much time has passed
Hours
Minutes
Years
They all go by as I twitch and toss and turn
And I watch them
Never asleep
Never awake
My stomach is hollow and worn out
My legs hum
My back hardens
My skin comes off like a snake’s
But there is no new skin underneath
Only raw fresh meat
That the wind bites at
The sheets scrape against
Life touches
And comes away with bloody hands
My memories
Cracked open every night
Regret oozes out
Black and sticky
It pours out into my hair
Into my eyes
Into my nose and mouth
Into my ears
Until I can’t breathe
Or see
Or hear
Nothing but the thick oily liquid
I live my nightmares again
And again
And again
Night after night
When I sleep
If I sleep
Bugs under my fingernails
Bees in my eyes
It is like nails under my skin
This feeling I know
The blood is family
The scratching is like a friend
Familiar
And
Cold and dark
Like knives in my gut
Memories rise up
Long night of restless sleep
Long day behind
Long day ahead
I am tired
